On Failing - August 2025

"I wish I failed more," I told my wife when we were talking about New Year's goals. The Universe has been listening.

In the two months, I tore my ACL and was rejected in a job interview.

I should explain why I would make such a pretentious wish. Most of my life, I played it as safely as possible by making choices that contained the least risk (at least that's what I thought). The result was that I was unhappy with my work. Assuming the reason was too few risks taken, I asked for more failure, but what I really wanted was more success, whatever that means.

Two things I missed making the wish. First, failure does not only come to you when you are taking active risks. Your ACL could break while doing your everyday activity. Second, failing hurts, especially if you have put a lot of effort into it.

How powerless I am in this situation, how unfair the world is, how much effort and money are wasted, were all I could think about. Sometimes, I even lost motivation to wake up in the morning.

Fortunately, my wife and parents picked me up. My wife took my pain as her pain. Despite her busy schedule, she made it a priority to attend every physiotherapy session with me, took care of the dogs so there is one fewer thing for me to worry about, and cooked tasty and nutritious meals for me. When I failed again and again at the job search, she told me it was okay and assured me that money would not be a problem. When I first got injured and had problems walking, my parents left everything at home and came to take care of me for two entire weeks. My mum even slept on the sofa at my torn apartment. With support like this, the only right thing for me to do is to gather myself and carry on and stop all the self-loathing.

Life is inconvenient, and failure is inevitable. In difficult hiking sessions, asking "why" will only make it worse. Grand statements such as "you need to enjoy nature" or "obstacle is the way" will not help battle the thought that you should just stay at home and watch Netflix. The only thing to do is to push through that. Afterwards, these challenging moments will be an invaluable experience that makes you a better human being. It is hard to see the why in the moment. So do not bother. Instead, focus solely on getting yourself out of the mud.

Failing to me means I stop achieving. Achievements of any sort bring me a huge dopamine rush, be it completing the first 10km running event, hiking a particular mountain, or getting a job. The thought that life is short kept pushing me. Every waking minute has to be productive, to be stronger, better, filling my life with ever more accomplishments, memories, and potential. Failures give me a reality check.

Often, life just puts you at an abrupt halt or pushes you backwards. Training hard for your leg muscles in preparation for a hike? "Try to do it without an ACL," said Lady Fortune, whom you cannot fight against. Still, whatever the circumstances are, there are always things waiting for you to achieve - to get better from the injury, to express gratitude to people around you, and live joyfully and make each day count. Taking actions is the best way to keep yourself sane in the face of life's absurdity.

At the same time, be gentle and understand that you could do everything right but still fail. That is the very nature of risk and return. Hard work, luck, and risk-taking are all critical to success. Therefore, by definition, you need to fail before you succeed. So, why are you so upset when you fail? Take a deep breath and try again when you are ready. Accept that you may fail again and again. If you want something enough, you need to keep trying until you succeed. (Also, giving up is always an option. You just need to be clear about what you want in life.)

Count your blessings in the journey. The functioning limbs and organs, the people around you, the interesting world which is impossible to explore thoroughly in our finite time, are too easy to forget in our day-to-day chores. Do not lose sight of the beauty of the journey in this absurd and failure-prone life.

Well, what could I say? Be careful what you wish for, and enjoy the pain, joy, failure, success, and love in the journey.