Stop Complaining

My wife and I were having dinner in a Sichuan restaurant with a friend in Vancouver, where we are now living.

“So how were your five years in Taiwan?” our friend asked.

“They were the best years of my life. Convenient, cheap, and delicious food, low taxes, nice people…” I answered, sweating from the spicy food.

“That’s bullshit,” my wife said with a mouthful (she was handling the heat much better than I was). “You were constantly complaining about the motorcycles, the heat, and the bureaucracy in Taiwan. Now that you've left, you say it’s the best place ever. You are always like this.”

It is true that I complain a lot. Complaining is easy. It even feels good in a weird way. If I complain enough, it feels as though nothing is my fault.

I complain about the crazy tax system here in Canada so that it is not my fault I am earning so little money. I complain about how convoluted and weird this world is so that it is not my fault I cannot compete well. I complain about the lack of time, money, and resources so that it is not my fault I am not trying hard enough.

There is also always something to complain about. For every choice I make, I am giving up something. If I had decided to stay in Taiwan, I would have given up the opportunity to experience Canada. On the other hand, because I moved to Canada, I have given up time spent with people in Taiwan. When I don’t have a job, I complain about the uncertainty and lack of income. When I get one, I complain about being locked in a cubicle for eight hours a day.

It is as simple as that, but I often forget something so trite.

Instead of complaining, a better way to cope with life is to take responsibility for everything happening to me that I care about. There must be something I can do. Feeling stuck at work? I can learn some new skills, build connections, and take risks. Feeling lonely? I can reach out to people more actively and connect with old friends more.

Also, I cannot complain if I am being positive, just like I cannot be sad while I am happy. I recently went hiking with a new group of friends in Vancouver. Although hey are a loud group, and we did attract some side-eyes, I enjoyed their company. They emitted a positive energy, and they only had good things to say about Vancouver—about the weather, the chill lifestyle, and the countless outdoor activities here. Spending a few hours with them gave me hope for this city. No one likes a chronic complainer, so why am I constantly complaining to myself? I should tune my inner voice to make it more positive, too.

Indeed, good things are constantly happening if I just pay attention. Every day, I am living with the people I love. I am enjoying my good health and improving fitness—considering that a year ago, I could barely walk after my ACL injury. Aren't these the true goals of life? I’ve already achieved a massive part of them.

These are all clichés, and I have read these ideas a million times in different books. But the mind is like a muscle. I have to use it to get familiar with it. Human nature is to blame, worry, and complain. It takes active work and training for me to be responsible and positive. I must train my mind regularly, like going to the gym, unless my aspiration is to be a whining loser.

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.” This is a quote that I love from The Office. May we all remind one another that we are in the good old days right now, before it is too late.