What does not kill me, makes me stronger(?) - 3 Months after ACL Surgery

Three months have passed since my ACL surgery.

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger," wrote Nietzsche in 1888. Normally, an ACL injury won't kill anyone. Does this mean that if I break my knee and survive the surgery, I will automatically become stronger, physically and mentally?

Unfortunately, no. Instead, a study by Harvard Medical School showed that those who sustained an ACL tear had a 50 percent higher risk of a heart attack, probably due to reduced physical activity following the injury.

Growing immobile and developing heart disease sounds like too bleak a future. But there are brighter stories. A friend tore her ACL a few years ago (also from playing badminton) and is now hiking across New Zealand, a 3,000 km trail taking 4-6 months. Yes, on foot, supporting a knee that suffered from one of the worst types of injuries. Stories like this prevail. On YouTube, there are thousands of success stories where athletes share how they came back stronger after an ACL injury.

An injury does not make you stronger; your mind, knowledge, relentless training, and patience do.

Mindset comes first and foremost. At first, you will be distressed. True, people suffer far worse than a knee injury. But the pain, the boredom, and the helplessness are also true, even truer to an injured person than what is happening elsewhere. It is perfectly fine to be upset for days or even weeks. But ultimately, you need to pick yourself up because recovery is your responsibility. Having a (relatively) positive mindset, motivation, and believing that things will get better are as essential as any physical training. For unfortunate pessimists, it takes effort to think this way, but there is no alternative.

Training follows. I used to think the gym was only for those with muscular brains. After the injury, I have watched hundreds of YouTube videos and podcasts and chatted with a few very knowledgeable physiotherapists. I am grateful that I learnt, at a relatively young age, firsthand the importance of strength, balance, and mobility—essential indicators for preventing serious injuries. I started learning and practising ways to develop stronger quads, hamstrings, calves, ankles, and feet. I aim to build better balance and mobility. I go to the gym as often as possible with a feasible plan and timetable. I wish to make this a lifelong habit.

It is easy to grow impatient. From surgery to complete recovery (meaning that you could partake in sports that involve sprinting and pivoting) takes at least one year. The time we wanted to see progress was yesterday. When I was lying in bed, I asked when I could walk. When I could walk, I wondered when I could do weight training. And now that I am doing weight training, I ask when I can jump and run. It is important to remind myself that I will never recover as quickly as I want, because I didn't want to be injured in the first place. If you train too hard, your knee will swell and cry out in discomfort, forcing you to stop. More importantly, you put yourself at excessive risk of re-tearing the repaired ligament. I must be patient and trust that if I have done all the right things, it will get better.

Muscle growth occurs when you provide the muscle with stimuli (weight) it has not encountered before, along with proper nutrients. The same applies to the mental resilience required by an injury of this scale. I must admit that, with a relatively easy life, this incident is one of the biggest hurdles I have faced. Before this injury, I had a conversation with a friend, and I told him I didn't think I could withstand the pain, discomfort, and inconvenience brought by a knee surgery. But here I am now. At times, you only know you can do it after you have done it. I would (hesitantly) say that my mind has grown, and I am in a greater position to face the next challenge (hopefully it won't be as bad).

A growing mind does not mean an always positive mind. In the process of recovery, dark thoughts appear way too often. Worse, you know that some of them are just too true: the universe does not have you in mind, and definitely not your knee. The threat of another similar injury is always hanging over my head. Even so, I commit to not slipping into despondency. Always being positive is tiring. How to charge forward, carrying a sense of humor on the darker spectrum, is an art we should all learn.

There was a sharing session by a rather famous trainer in Taiwan recently, and my wife and I attended. He was sharing how to train to be stronger. In the Q&A session, I asked, "Now that I am injured and can hardly walk, how could I train to be stronger?" I want to conclude this article with his sharing. He said, "There are always things you can do. You could train your upper body, your uninjured leg, and even your mind. If you were like me, you would like to improve every day. And if you have this goal in mind, you will be better and stronger." Subject to fate and the ruthless universe, I wish to grow stronger because of this injury, and I will do whatever I can, mentally and physically.